PHILPOT: OK Mr. Mouse we won’t belittle the court by asserting that you are actually Mickey Mouse.
MICKEY MOUSE: No, I am not but in the eyes of my bosses I am the Cast Member who plays him, personifies him.
PHILPOT: And as such I am trusting that the court accepts your testimony.
(He looks to Judge Julia for approval)
JUDGE JULIA: We will accept the Cast Member’s testimony as valid as long as you limit your questioning to this individual’s experiences with Disney World guests.
PHILPOT: Thank you your Honor, of course!
PHILPOT: How long have you been the go-to Mickey Mouse in Walt Disney World.
MICKEY MOUSE: Well, heh, heh. Other Cast Members also play me at other times. I do have a life you know beyond this character and costume. But I am glad to say that I have played Mickey Mouse for several years now in the Magic Kingdom.
PHILPOT: And some of the activities that you perform?
MICKEY MOUSE: Oh I might dance with Minnie. I might stroll the streets and attractions to greet Park guests. I pose for lots of pictures and sign lots of autographs! I even had carpal tunnel syndrome once … you know … from signing autographs. Heh heh. I give lots of hugs.
PHILPOT: Have you ever met the defendant?
MICKEY MOUSE: Can’t say that I have.
PHILPOT: Have you met or seen people who may “behave” like the defendant?
MICKEY MOUSE: If you mean the uber-planners, yes, yes, of course. Just about every day.
PHILPOT: Those that you have seen, can you generalize their behavior and actions?
MICKEY MOUSE: In my opinion? I am grateful for those who plan and have been proactive about maximizing the most of Walt Disney World.
PHILPOT: Grateful? Why?
MICKEY MOUSE: For several reasons! They help to keep things running smoothly in all the theme parks. They don’t clog wait lines, moan and groan about queuing up for a long line. They know where they are going and know that the best plan is a plan to plan for all of what you may want to do.
However many of them there are in a given day and adding in their families and friends they may lead is seven-dwarfed, heh, heh, by those who wander and wonder and wander and wonder some more. Those folks sometimes minimize the magic by their confusion and lack of planning.
PHILPOT: Well Mickey, that is the longest speech I have ever heard from you! Thank you. No more questions.
JUDGE JULIA: Francis, your turn.
FRANCIS: Thank you your Honor. Mickey, so you approve of timetables, timelines, spreadsheets, iPhone apps, tweeting, alarm beeps, etc.?
MICKEY MOUSE: You know I do.
MICKEY MOUSE: People like Fred Farkle help other people enjoy all of what can be found in Walt Disney World.
FRANCIS: You have also heard about the meltdowns people have and possibly caused by the excessive zeal of the Freds of Walt Disney World.
MICKEY MOUSE: Heh, heh, I am no statistician, I’m just an icon, but this icon says that more Guests suffer at the hands of the non-planners than at the those of the Fred Farkles of the World.
FRANCIS: No more questions.
JUDGE JULIA: Mr. Philpot.
PHILPOT: The defense rests your honor.
JUDGE JULIA: Very well, tomorrow we will hear closing arguments so that the jury can be polled.
(She rises, courtroom members rise, she exits right)